You.

“As immediate as gunpowder igniting a bullet, my next thought was. My next thought. My next thought is the defining moment of my love for you. My next thought.”

You.

I told you something tonight that I have kept to myself for months. Let’s be honest though, I keep most things to myself. This though. This. This is something special. And although it’s hard to admit, maybe I was waiting for the right moment to release it. 

There’s always a right moment. A perfect moment. If you can contain yourself long enough. If you can bottle up how important you know that moment will be, close the lid, and store it away. The moment you decide to open it, you know the wait will be well worth it.

You invited me to an art showcase for a local artist held at a friend’s house. You invited me last minute – per usual. Which truthfully drives me nuts because I’m so type A and only feel comfortable in a set schedule. You’ve thrown that side of me upside down from the moment I met you. Ugh. I hate it. But I love it.

The moment you invited me, I was sitting on my sofa with Ryan and Corey. Listening to god knows what on YouTube. My brother is famous for some weird YouTube shit. I was in sweats, taking shots, expecting a laid-back evening with the boys.

Then my phone did that familiar ding. The ding I’d typically ignore. Yet, typical with you, something inside of me decided I needed to pick up that phone. iMessage. Katie Marks.

I told the boys I wasn’t going to be available this time – you see, I was always so annoyingly available for you. No. I’m saying no boys. I’m saying no. Which was met by an applauding “hell yes” – you show her. Yeah. I’m a cool girl. – stealing your verbiage.

Well. Now I’m at the party. Dressed to the 9’s with my two boys at my side. Because my boys are ride or die. Who’s shocked? No one. Pussy whipped. Per usual.

We drank fancy cocktails from the privately hired bartender, gallivanted with the high-society gays. I was met at the front door, walking in moments behind you, by one of the hosts of the evening. I saw him turn his gaze from your eyes, to mine as I opened the door. Then he turned back to you and said, “Oh my god. She’s gorgeous.” You turned, glanced in my direction and said, “I know.” You turned back, left his embrace, walked toward me and kissed me. In that moment, I thought. A million thoughts. And yet just one. Thank god for age granting me the wisdom to swallow my ego and go. In that moment, I knew I made the right choice.

The artist of the evening – Justin Winkel – had beautiful work. Beautiful. I laid my eyes upon his creations lustfully. Wishing I could fill my entire home with his work. Imagining what they would look like in various corners of my spaces.

Artistry: Justin Winkel
Artwork: Justin Winkel

Climax.

The artist’s boyfriend was standing by himself, leaning against a wall behind us. There was something about his energy that made me turn around. I saw him, thought to myself, I’m walking over there right now and including him. Before I could even take a step you were on the move. I smiled. Typical her. Not only one step ahead of me at all times, but unapologetically leading with her heart. Leading with that intense drive to include. With that intense drive to make sure every single person in the room feels loved, feels seen. I love that about you.

I followed you and we had the most lovely conversation with him. 

And then it happened. He said it. He turned to me and said something to the effect of: Wow. You two are a beautiful couple. And wow. Her energy. Good luck holding on to her. Good luck containing that.

I immediately thought to myself – yeah dude, I am aware. Trust me, I am well aware. She walks into a room and everyone wants her. She walks into a room and changes its atmosphere. She walks into a room and it is forever changed.

As immediate as gunpowder igniting a bullet, my next thought was. My next thought. My next thought is the defining moment of my love for you.

Why would I ever want to contain that? Let her be.

*For more information on Justin Winkel’s artistry mentioned above, please visit his website at: www.justinwinkel.com

One thought on “You.

  1. I travelled to Prague to teach students English 2 days after I met Alice. Before I met her I was excited for this trip and to get out of this stupid country, do something new; ignite my nomadic soul. And then I met her and in that moment, there was nothing else in the world that mattered. That beautiful feeling you describe in this blog brought back a flood of memories of how I felt when I first starting dating my wife. I’ve never lost sight of those foundational moments but I need words like yours to help take me back on my nostalgic and romantic stroll through my hippocampus. Thank you for reminding me of those beginnings. As life continues to fluctuate and work, kids, chores, and adulting overwhelm us, having a moment to read stories like yours remind me that this life that I have created, was born from love. Thank you for keeping love alive. You write beautifully and I really enjoy reading these strong emotional pieces.

    Liked by 1 person

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